Many people wait until the New Year to set goals for the year ahead, but the really productive, proactive people begin to set their goals before the year ends. Regrets may seem like an odd place to start with reviewing your year, but they often hold the secret to the goals you should be setting for the year ahead.
What is regret
Regret are feelings of saddness or disappointment over something that has happened or something that has not happened. The “would have,” “could have,” “should have” conversations that people have, all too often. We rarely regret things that didn’t matter or were not meaningful to us, and because of that regrets give us clues, to what IS meaningful and important to us.
5 most common regrets of the dying
Palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware produced a most fascinating list of the “regrets of the dying”. Here are the top five:
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“I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” This is, of course, shows the importance of living true to your authentic self.
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“I wish I didn't work so hard.” This regret occurs when we live our life without being true to what we value. Of course, work is very necessary from a financial perspective but it is tricky to get the work-life balance right. By being clear about your values, you can protect yourself from this future regret.
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“I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.” Again, this regret arises from repressing your authentic self and not letting it have a courageous voice. So let that inner voice sing!
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“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.” Connection and love are essential human needs but often we overlook them when life is very busy. You can’t keep in touch with everyone you ever meet, but important relationships and friendships are worth some time and energy.
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“I wish that I had let myself be happier.” Imagine realizing on your deathbed that all you needed to be happy had been with you your whole life. Happiness is a choice. It is about contentment with what you have. It is about living with purpose and passion. It is about stopping to notice the good things in life and embracing them.
Your Regrets
Grab a piece of paper or page in your journal and answer the following questions (writing these down activates more of your brain and helps you process the information better!):
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What do I regret doing in 2014 and why?
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What do I regret not doing in 2014 and why?
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What are the biggest regrets in my life so far and why?
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What regrets do I want to avoid having on my deathbed and why?
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What could I do in 2015 to avoid these regrets and how?
If you struggle with this consider 7 key areas of your life: How you spend or manage your Time, Physical Health, Mental Health, Relationships, Career, Personal Growth, Finances and Environment (home, town, country, planet).
Once you have done this don’t dwell on the negative, use what you have learned to make sure these regrets do not remain regrets. Turn your regrets on their head, allow them to become the inspiration for your goal setting for 2015 and beyond. Next time we’ll discuss what you are grateful for!
Image courtesy of istock.
Adapted from Beyond Soccer Mom: Strategies for a fabulous balanced life, By Leonaura Rhodes (Morgan James 2014)