Tuning into world events these days can be quit frightening. Terrorism, wars, crimes, natural disasters are dialed directly into our awareness through the many modes of communication and social media that are available to us. In addition to catastrophic world events, we each have our own daily worries s and stresses including work, raising children, bills, illness, relationships issues and the list goes on. It seems that we are truly living in the age fear, where never before have we been exposed to so much fearful content.
So, how can we cope with all this fear? Can we just make fear go away? The answer of course is No. Fear is here to stay. Fear is a natural emotional endowment from our biological ancestors which provides us with essential survival skills helping us avoid dangers and predators. Even though we can't change fear or wish it away, we can work to understand what our fears are made or, what our reactionary style is to fear and develop healthier processing and coping mechanisms of the fears we are faced with.
Most of us have heard of the "fight or flight" phrase in response to fearful situations. While these are common reactions to fear, "freezing" is also quite common and unfortunately less often discussed. I recall once when my daughter looked at a mannequin she said, "this looks like a dead person". When I asked my daughter why she thought that the mannequin was dead she replied, "Because she looks frozen". When we "freeze" in the face of fear, we freeze emotionally, physically and psychologically. The result is often a collapsed state and way of being in the work in which one can appear on automatic pilot. This deadened state of approaching life is similar to that of a well-kept mannequin - looks ok on the outside but lifeless inside.
How can we experience fear, but not allow it to "freeze us" to the point where we are deadened and paralyzed by it? There a ways in which we can have a more productive relationship with the fears we face and better balance the presence of fear in our life. Below are some suggestions:
- Acknowledge and verbalize to yourself or another that you are afraid and specifically what you are afraid of.
- Share and discuss your fear to someone else that you trust, or write about it in a journal, or attend a support group.
- Tune into your body and see where the fear is felt (neck, chest, belly etc) and practice building toleration of and coping with the physical aspects (best aided by the guidance of another – a mediation teacher, therapist, spiritual support).
- Find smaller fears that may be easier to push through and build your confidence in your ability to not allow the fear to stop you from accomplishing your daily tasks. Fear grows stronger when it stops us.
- Take care of yourself by eating healthy, sleeping, exercising, meditation, yoga and other life-nourishing practices such as art, music, creative expression.
- Spirituality can be a very helpful resource whether it is your local synagogue, mosque, church or gathering of like-minded people.
- If you have a partner, ask for physical contact and closeness when feeling afraid – ask for a hand to hold, a hug or just the nearness of another and not to be alone.
- Develop self-supportive statements as antidotes to the fearful statements. For example, "I'm afraid to travel because the plane may crash" can be met with "millions of people travel each day safely".
- Reinforce times when you have been able to overcome a fearful situation as proof that ultimately we are able to manage most any fearful situation.
- Give yourself permission to let go of the things you do not have control over.
- Manage your exposure to content about fearful situations
- Validate the times in life that are joyful and fear-free.
Amir Levine, PhD, LCSW, CASAC and Veronica Vaiti, LCSW-R are psychotherapists and Co-Founders of NYC Therapy Group which provides individual, couples, family and group therapies in Riverdale, NY and Midtown Manhattan. Visit the website to learn more.