Walking the Walk

Lying in my hospital bed, delusional on Dilauded, I awoke in the recovery room checking out my body and its functionality post spinal surgery. Arms and legs fine. Not much pain in the area of the incision. Right foot moving freely around under the covers. Left foot, hmmm, left foot must still be asleep, as it doesn’t seem to be moving. Nor the toes. Nor the ankle joint. If I had a bugle I would have tried to play “Reveille” to wake that foot from its sleep for I refused to believe that anything could really be wrong. Surely this was merely an aberration and my left foot wasn’t really non-responsive.

How wrong I was, for when my surgeon came to see me and I described the problem, his face took on a look of concern that was rather disconcerting. There was, indeed, a glitch and I had become one of the many who suffer neurological damage during spinal surgery. One of the complications that the doctor warned me about, but I refused to take into consideration as I gave my okay for the surgery, had occurred. And I was now left with a foot that would not work because the nerve feeding it had been damaged.

Anger, melancholy, frustration, concern all welled up in me as I tried to take in the information I was being fed.   Rods and pins had been placed in my formerly crooked spine. That spine was now straight as an arrow – so much so that I would now stand a full inch taller than I had been just the day before surgery – but one of those pins created a fracture in the L5 vertebrae which, in turn, damaged the nerve that runs down my leg into my foot.

I am a woman who has spent the last fifteen years sharing the wisdom of the Tao - the ancient Chinese philosophy that teaches acceptance of the detours along our life paths. Tao teaches that once we acknowledge and accept these challenges we can use our strengths to work our way through and continue on our paths in spite of, and because of, these detours.

And so, amid the cacophony of negative thoughts filling my head, a voice of clarity emerged, telling me it was now time for me to do more than talk the talk of the Tao. I needed to show the world, and myself, that I could walk the walk. It was now my turn to accept, and live with, a physical trial that might prove to be life altering for me. It was my turn to heed my own advice.

During the three weeks in the hospital, being dragged out of bed for multiple daily physical and occupational therapy sessions, wearing a foot brace to stabilize that pesky left foot, and a back brace for safety, I progressed from wheelchair to walker. I learned to ambulate – albeit slowly – to the gym where I regained the strength and enough mobility to walk up and down four steps. And I learned to accept.

I am now using merely a cane as a stabilizing tool when I walk outside but don’t even need that in my house. Back on the speaking circuit I stand strong and proud as I continue to share the Tao with my audiences. And I am now a living, breathing example of what this positive force can do for us in our lives. Hopefully that makes my message even stronger.

Do I still get down about this new physical challenge I now face? Of course I do. But mostly I am pleased and proud that I’ve acknowledged, accepted and moved through with strength and acceptance. I’ve passed my own physical “test” and discovered that I am, indeed, capable of walking the walk - albeit with foot brace, cane and, of course Tao by my side.

C.J. Golden, motivational speaker and author of TAO OF THE DEFIANT WOMAN, the award winning TAO-GIRLS RULE!, and the recently published REFLECTIONS FROM BEYOND, travels the country inspiring all with her dynamic spirit and vision. Visit her at www.taogirl.com and www.reflectionsfrombeyond.com