‘I did make an impact,” says DSABC mentor
For three years, Farley Santos served as a mentor in the Danbury Student and Business Connection (DSABC) and met with high school student Dylan McIlveen once a week to talk, give advice, but mostly just to listen. Santos said the experience was a positive one, but he often wondered if he had made a difference in Dylan’s life.
It wasn’t until Dylan graduated from Henry Abbott Technical High School in 2015, that Santos realized that his positive influence and commitment had helped change Dylan’s life for the better.
“When Dylan graduated he gave me a plaque that read: ‘World’s Best Friend and Mentor’ with his name and year. It hangs in my office with a photo of us at the DSABC breakfast,” Santos said. “That’s my proudest moment. This was more than I thought it was. I did make an impact.”
Dylan first participated in a mentoring program as a first grader in New Milford schools. A brief move with his family to New York left him without a mentor for a few years. When he returned to the Danbury area, he was able to connect with DSABC and eventually he met Santos.
Santos remembers mentors coming to school when he was a student, but he never had the opportunity to have one. Santos, who served on the Danbury Board of Education and now sits on the City Council, thought about mentoring a lot, but it wasn’t until he worked at Savings Bank of Danbury that he was inspired by a colleague; SBD also encourages employees to participate in community outreach.
“I thought it would be a noble thing to make an impact on a young person. It’s a way to be a role model, and I’m grateful they allow us to do this,” Santos said. “Since it was my first time mentoring, I didn’t know what to expect. We met in the library and would just talk. I shared my experiences when I was a student at Abbott.”
Dylan, who now lives in Torrington and is working full time, said his first impression of Santos was that he was nice.
Dylan said he didn’t even mind that there was some stigma attached to his having a mentor. After a while, other students were somewhat envious and even joined in his meetings with Santos.
Dylan’s longtime friend from high school, Chris Nelson, said he thinks having a mentor was the best thing for his friend.
“When he came back he was a lot more happy,” Nelson said. “It’s impacted him in a positive way. It’s good that Dylan has someone like Farley.”
Dylan said the best part of his DSABC experience is that he made a lifelong friend. Because he had to communicate with Santos through his school’s social worker, he said graduation was a liberating moment for him and his mentor.
“We became friends on Facebook. We were outside of the program friends now,” Dylan said. The two men meet once or twice a year now, but they keep in touch on social media and by texting.
While Dylan doesn’t yet mentor because he’s busy establishing himself on a career path, he likes to be a friend whenever he sees someone in need.
“It takes time to get to know a person and most people don’t take the time,” said Dylan.
Santos said sometimes meeting someone new, especially a student who may have difficulty expressing himself or herself, can be awkward, but he advises new mentors to be patient, and most importantly, just be there.
“You have to give it time,” Santos said. “It allowed me to view the world through different eyes. Life is different for everybody. Lower your expectations, it’s not immediate. At the end you realize you’ve been a positive influence the whole time.”