Valentines Day is the holiday of love. Hearts, flowers, chocolates and greeting cards abound. I call it a [insert name of famous card company] holiday. Along with Mothers Day, Fathers Day, and Grandparents Day. Made up holidays for the purpose of selling cards and such.
Don’t get me wrong, holidays that celebrate love are not bad things, on their surface. We all enjoy feeling loved and appreciated. It’s the obligation part that bothers me.
I am not a go-with-the-flow kind of person. I abhor doing things because “that’s the way we’ve always done it.” Routine is the murderess of creativity. Why must I express my love by buying a card with someone else’s words on it? Why do I have to give a card at all? Or triple-priced roses? What if I have a partner that doesn’t like chocolate? Or eating a faux romantic dinner in an overcrowded restaurant charging jacked-up pricing? Maybe baby ducks are a romantic gift to me!
What if I don’t currently have a romantic relationship??
Ok, let’s take a breath. It doesn’t have to be a big thing, time to park the drama llama. Being the intelligent, compassionate, mindful beings that we are, let’s take a step back and look at the big picture.
Valentines Day is about love, right? Right. What’s that expression- something about you can’t truly love anyone else unless you love yourself? Yes, that’s it.
Do you? Honestly? Most of us say yes, then proceed to tick off a list of our flaws or shortcomings. Bah! Back to the drawing board.
Ok, another breath. Good. Now- how many of you are there? One. Yes! First reason for loving you. You are a unique gift that can’t be replaced. What’s more special than that?!
Next, you are not your accomplishments or shortcomings. Those are life events that teach us, not define us. You are a beautiful soul connected to all of the other beautiful souls that have ever existed. Wow! A very deep reason for loving you.
Remember too that your very existence shapes the way history happens. Whaaat? Yes! You have a purpose in this world. You may not (and probably won’t ever) know what it is, but trust me, it’s true. It’s not silly or something to dismiss. This story illustrates it perfectly:
A man was driving to work. He was running a little late. He got stuck behind an elderly driver going annoyingly slow. Always happens when you’re late, he thought, growing angrier by the minute. He beeped the horn, rode the old lady’s bumper, wove back and forth, even thinking to maybe pass her despite the double yellow lines. She’s going 25 miles per hour, I usually do 50 on this road! After this next sharp turn in the road, I could go, he thought. Just then, the woman hit her brakes, forcing him to slam on his. Furious, he was prepared to scream at her when he looked up, past her car, into the blind turn. There was a moments-old three car accident blocking both sides of the road. He sat there in awe as he realized had he been going his usual speed he could not have stopped in time. Her annoyingly slow driving had inadvertently saved his life.
So on this and every Valentines Day, remember it’s about loving you. Jack Kornfield reminds us “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” When you are unashamedly and compassionately in love with yourself for the unique, amazing, irreplaceable being that you are, then you can completely love someone else. Your way, on your terms, not the way some made up holiday dictates. No cards, chocolates or fancy dinner necessary. The best gift you can give is loving you, no purchase or conformity required.
Kat Symington Muendell, RYT200, AFAA-CGFI, Certified 3X3Fit Instructor and card-carrying Tibetan Buddhist is the owner of Balance Wellness Studio in Mohegan Lake, NY. Email her at balanceon6@gmail.com or visit the Balance website at www.balanceon6.com
HamletHub Health & Wellness Series: Get Healthy in 2019
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