On Tuesday, HamletHub attended The Center for HOPE 2012 Spring Luncheon. Held at the Darien Country Club, the well attended luncheon featured Marie Tillman, author of “The Letter: My Journey Through Love, Loss, and Life” and the widow of former NFL player Pat Tillman, who left football to join the military and lost his life in Afghanistan.
Tillman was extremely gracious and inspirational as she spoke to the audience. Bob Arnold, President of Centers for HOPE, remarked that their messages are very similar in that "when terrible things happen, it is important to step back and take time to heal and hope; to find support from people who gone through a loss, but now have become a role model for others." The Center for HOPE provides comprehensive counseling and support services for those who have experienced life altering circumstances or are grieving the death of a loved one. Also a part of Family Centers is the Den for Grieving Kids, a peer support center led by trained group facilitators, that helps children and their families cope with loss in a safe supportive environment.
Tillman told the story of her and Pat's eleven years together, from high school sweethearts to husband and wife. When she was growing up, Tillman had in her mind a checklist and plan on how her life was going to be lived. This included being a wife, mom, and having a home in the suburbs. Even after her husband’s courageous decision to enter the army, she pictured their golden years together on the back porch of their house - looking back on his "crazy" time in the military. Unfortunately, that plan didn't include the losing her husband during his second tour of duty in Afghanistan. Her life came to a stop and threw her a detour.
The most touching part of the afternoon came when she was telling us about the letter Pat had left behind, in the event he didn't make it home. When she finally opened it months after his death, she read from Pat, "I have asked a great deal from you, so it comes as no surprise that I ask one more favor from you...I ask that you live your life."
Tillman tried to do just that, scolding herself to get out of bed each day, when many times she didn't want to move. She would force herself to live. Oftentimes she would breakdown in a supermarket and run outside in order to compose herself and not let herself get down. Some solace came from walking and reading, most notably, “The Year of Magical Thinking” by Joan Didion, and Victor Frankl's “Man’s Search For Meaning.” But unfortunately she felt as if she was just going through the motions of life. She tried moving to New York and even Buenos Aires to "learn how to Tango." For a while she worked in production for ESPN, which allowed her to travel and keep busy. Still, she felt empty inside and felt that not living her life was just as much of a tragedy as Pat losing his.
It was an honor to meet with Tillman. She is truly a hero. Unfortunately, the media often doesn't get around to covering stories of inspiration and selflessness and service to others. In the end, though, it is great to know that there are people like the Tillman's, who help keep this country great.
In addition to Marie Tillman, The Center for HOPE was honoring George Reilly for his service to the charity and commitment to creating a stronger resource for the Darien community. Reilly was given the Ray of Hope award. Mr. Reilly shared some of his own thoughts on his son, who after graduating high school, has committed to joining the Marines "because he loves his country."
The event could not have been a success without the hard work of Terri Walker, Heather Pech, and K.K. Lowther, event co-chairs. Thanks to the donors and sponsors, the Center of Hope has not had to turn anyone away due to financial constraints.
You can pick up Marie Tillman's book “The Letter: My Journey Through Love, Loss, and Life” at Barrett Bookstore, located at 314 Heights Rd. in Darien.