By Amanda Pasciucco, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
Do you still have a twenty year old living at home? Is it causing a problem? It's time to establish some rules and regulations so you gain control of your home.
First things first. You should set up a structured agreement when your children turn 18 or 21. If you haven't done so yet, and you have an adult child living at home, sit them down and make an arrangement as soon as possible. Let them know that you will not live with an adult child who stays out all night, or constantly has friends over. Work with them and let them know your expectations. Remember, they may resent the structure and yell at you for holding them down, however, as parents, you have to make sure you hold your ground, because this is your home. Explain that as long as you pay the bills, if they want to continue to live in your home, they must follow your rules. Let them know that if they do not want to comply, they can move out.
Many times adult children try to avoid their responsibilities. They stay up and hang out with friends at night and then sleep all day. When you confront them about this, they will say "I am not working, so I can sleep in." You can take this opportunity as a parent to let them know that the reason they do not have a job is because they are sleeping all day and they should be awake looking for jobs. Adult children will give you many excuses as to why they cannot do things, and why it is your fault as the parent. Do not let their words affect you; this is part of your child's way of avoiding taking responsibility for their own life.
Should you ask them to leave even the two of you get along? It is much easier if your adult child is rude and disrespectful to insist they leave your home. However, if your adult child and you are getting along, it doesn't mean that having them live under your roof is healthy. it is important to discuss what steps, if any, they are taking to move out of the house and become independent. As the parent, you must foster independence even if they are at home and living with them is not causing a host of problems. You need to make sure they you are helping them to become self-sufficient, instead of relying on you to help them all the time.
About Amanda
Amanda Pasciucco is a licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who believes that physical, emotional, and environmental wellness all factor into one's mental health. Amanda is committed to providing quality mental health services. It is her overall goal to enhance the quality of life for individuals, couples, and families. By obtaining an assessment of your emotional, physical, spiritual, and life experience, Amanda can help you obtain the necessary tools you need to accomplish your treatment goals. She makes every effort to understand all aspects of one's life in order to deliver highly personalized treatment that maximizes your success.